When Relationships Break Down

Lately in the singles group at church we’ve been talking about community. As usual, it’s been really great and relevant to my life. So I share it with you.
Matthew 18:15- “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”

What happens when our community (in other words, our relationships with others) breaks down? First, acknowledge the conflict. YOU go to the other person. Matthew 5:23-4 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift.”

Don’t involve third parties. This is a big problem of mine. Of course it’s easier to talk about problems with people to someone else. But from what I’ve seen, that’s usually what makes the problems escalate and get out of hand. If you’re not part of the solution, you don’t need to be part of the problem.

Use direct communication but chose words rightly and carefully. Don’t blame others for your problem. The purpose should be reconciliation.

Next comes forgiveness. Ephesians 4:31-2 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, and every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” WOW. Let’s read that one again. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, and every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Isn’t that basically what life is all about? All the time? And how we should act towards everyone?

Forgiveness is for the benefit of others. It is the act of cancelling the debt owed to me. We need to operate based on what God’s done for us, not what’s been done to us. And we need to accept forgiveness that is being offered to us by others. Some other important points about forgiveness: choosing not to dwell on the wrong. Hard, I know. Choosing not to bring it up. Choosing not to talk about it to others. Don’t let it drive a wedge. Otherwise how can it be forgiven? We need to operate based on what God’s done for us, not what’s been done to us.

Join us next time for Attitudes and actions that should characterize the life of a Christian; notes from a sermon series.